With Thanksgiving being tomorrow, I first want to say that I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I’m not going to say or give thanks to or for everything, but I do just want to say that I’m very blessed to have the life I have and the people in it. That is what I am most thankful for.
Now, every Thanksgiving, every sport’s syndicated news channel or website likes to put out a funny, semi-humorist gag reel or article about events or people who they classify as “Turkeys” for the year. Usually it’s someone who makes an embarrassing play or says something stupid, and makes themselves look bad. An example would be a baseball player dropping a fly ball and in the midst of trying to find it on the ground, he spins around so many times that when he does finally find it, he is so disorientated that he throws the ball into the stands. I’ve already seen many articles, mainly involving bad, overpriced football players, since it’s the only sport in season right now. Well, if you can’t be them, steal their idea. So below I have my All-THANKSgiving Team for you. It is made up of both good and bad football players who I think have a lot to be thankful for this year.
QB: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Buffalo Bills – After receiving his huge contract extension (6 years, $59 million, $24 guaranteed), Fitzpatrick has guided his Buffalo Bills to a 1-3 record, and has posted QB ratings of 51.9, 46.6, and 45.8 in those loses. He has completed 59% of his passing and has thrown 4 TD’s with 8 INT’s. In the three loses Fitzpatrick has posted; the Bills were outscored 26-106. But how can we complain, he is a Harvard grad!!! THANKS The Yard.
QB: Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers – In early April, no one had any faith that Cam would become a successful NFL QB except for the Carolina Panthers. After making him the number #1 draft pick this season, Cam has proven his doubters wrong and is on pace to throw for over 4,000 passing yards, rush for over 700 yards, and will undoubtedly be the NFL Offensive Rookie of the year. You got my apology, Cam. THANKS Jerry Richardson.
RB: Chris Johnson, Tennessee Titans – This guy may be the most thankful person in sports this year. Held out all preseason and training in order to become the highest paid RB EVER in NFL history, and then decides that he is going to post these numbers: 509 rushing yards, 3.2 yards per carry, and 2 TD’s. CJhalfK has lots to be thankful for. But it will only last for this season, as I’m sure the Titans will cut him at the end of the season and save themselves some cap space. CJ$$$$$K!!! THANKS Titans’ front office.
RB: DeMarco Murray, Dallas Cowboys – Drafted by the Cowboys in the 3rd round, Murray was riding the bench for much of the season, 3rd on the RB depth chart behind starter Felix Jones and backup Tashard Choice. After a high ankle sprain by Jones and Choice coming down with a major case of fumblitist, insert DeMarco Murray. After posting three unbelievable games, he has people in Dallas comparing him to Emmitt Smith. THANKS Felix Jones’ bad ankles and Tashard Choice’s small hands.
WR: All of the Green Bay Packers Wide Receivers – Playing in the style of offense the Packers run, an offense that is pass first and likes to feature different WR sets, anyone can shine at any point in the game. Plus, when you have a QB as GREAT as Aaron Rodgers, who throws the ball on a line and into your window to catch, it makes life a whole lot easier for you. Examples 1 and 2: Randall Cobb and Tom Crabtree. THANKS Mike McCarty and Aaron Rodgers.
WR: Calvin Johnson, Detroit Lions – We have always known that Megatron was a beastly WR, but there was always wonder of how good he could really be if his QB, Matthew Stafford, were ever able to stay healthy. Well, Stafford has stayed relatively healthy this season, and Megatron is now a candidate for Offensive Player of the Year. His numbers this year: 59 Receptions, 974 receiving yards, and 11 TD’s. BEAST MODE!!! THANKS Matthew Stafford’s health.
TE: Zach Miller, Seattle Seahawks – Regarded as the next great up-and-coming TE with the Oakland Raiders, Zach decided this offseason to cash in on his one good season and leave the Raiders for the Seattle Seahawks and a five-year, $34 million contract with $17 million guaranteed. And the Seahawk’s return on investment: 15 receptions, 133 receiving yards, and 0 TD’s. Not a very good ROI there, Peter. THANKS Pete Carroll.
OL: The Denver Broncos’ Offensive Line – With Tim Tebow as the starting QB, the Broncos have went ahead and turned modern football back about 50 years and are now running the read-option offense. This makes life for an offensive line much easier. They no longer have to worry about marking MIKE linebackers or worrying about picking up blitz packages. It’s just block the man in front of you and run downfield. Bumping uglies and playing hard nose football; got to love it. THANKS Timmy.
DE: Justin Smith, San Francisco 49ers – One may look at his numbers (35 tackles, 4.5 sacks, 2 Forced Fumbles) and think they are not that impressive, but Smith is having himself a Defensive MVP type season for the 49ers. He is finally reaping the benefits of having a competent pass rush on the opposite side of him and not having to constantly face double teams. Keep truckin’ Fools!!! THANKS Ray McDonald, Aldon Smith, and Parys Haralson.
DE: Kroy Biermann, Atlanta Falcons – Who is he?? Why is he on this list?? What does he have to be thankful for? Is it because he has 20 tackles and 1 sack for this season? Nope. He is the genius who hooked up with Kim Zolciak of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” fame, knocked her up, and is now married to her and they’re trying to get their own reality series. I guess he is getting ready for life after football; which will be coming much sooner rather than later. THANKS Bravo.
DT: Albert Haynesworth, Tampa Bay – Almost eating himself out of the league after signing his seven-year, $100 million contract with the Washington Redskins in 2009, he has been benched, suspended, reinstated, then traded to the New England Patriots, benched, cut by them, and now somehow starts for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. How he still has a job is incredible, let alone actually starting for an NFL team. Can he have another burrito please? THANKS Bucs.
DT: Any DT who has intercepted a pass this season – These guys get no thanks for what they are asked to do, especially DT’s who play in a 3-4 base defense. All they do every down is lineup and run straight into the middle of the offensive line, hoping to take out 2-3 blockers. This allows linebackers to run free, get open tackles, and steal their fame. So when one of these DT’s gets lucky enough to get an INT (Vince Wilfork – 2 INT) the joy that is expressed is well deserved. Keep them paws up! THANKS, inept QB’s.
OLB: Mario Williams, Houston Texans – The converted dominating DE turned OLB by new Houston’s Defensive Coordinator Wade Phillips was having a very good season (11 Tackles, 5 Sacks, 1 Forced Fumble) until his season was cut short by injury. There was doubt that Williams could make the transition to OLB, but he has proved more than capable and has showed that he will be a dominating force at that position. Enjoy the new post. THANKS Wade Phillips.
ILB: Patrick Willis and NaVorro Bowman, San Francisco 49ers – The best ILB tandem in the NFL (that’s right, I said it), Willis (85 tackles, 2 sacks, 4 Forced Fumbles) and Bowman (95 tackles) are both having Pro Bowl seasons, and Willis is a candidate for NFL Defensive Player of the Year. Now entering week 12 of the NFL season, the 49ers still haven’t given up a rushing TD, mainly due to the play of these two ILB. Hit stick mode in full force!! THANKS Isaac Sopoaga and Takeo Spikes leaving for Free Agency.
OLB: Brian Orakpo, Washington Redskins – Talk about a guy cashing in on his mild stardom in the NFL. Orakpo really is a very good, young, promising OLB for the terrible Washington Redskins, but his Geico Car Insurance commercials with the caveman are just awful. To quote his own commercial, “You are Brian Orakpo, All-Pro linebacker; surely you can do better than this.” I can see him watching his own commercials and going Rob Tidwell, “Man, I’m supposed to be a Superstar!” THANKS Geico.
CB: Any CB who has caught an interception from QB Phillip Rivers – If CJhalfK wasn’t having the season he is having Phillip Rivers would be the NFL’s most disappointing player this year. Leading the league with 17 INT’s, he is on pace to end the year with 27. Watching him play in his last two games against the Oakland Raiders and Chicago Bears, the INT’s he is throwing are like 3-flies-up passes for CB’s. All a CB has to do is channel his inner/former WR self and catch these lob balls. THANKS Phillip Rivers.
CB: Nnamdi Asomugha, Philadelphia Eagles – Signed the largest contract for a defensive player this offseason and hasn’t been able to live up to expectations. Granted, I still maintain that the Eagles’ defensive coordinator is using him wrong and running a style of defensive that doesn’t suit what his skill set is; but in the game against the NY Giants last week, Nnamdi got beat bad for a TD and looked lost on the play. Can’t play like that with the contract you received. THANKS Juan Castillo.
S: Troy Polamalo’s hair – As if this guy wasn’t getting enough attention for his style of play on the football field, running all over the field and causing havoc and laying out WR, now he has taken on a new identity as a mid-level celebrity because of his abnormally long and fluffy lettuce. No matter what channel I’m watching, I see one of his commercials featuring his lion mane. I guess I have no room to complaint, as I am still a fan of “The Beard.” THANKS Head and Shoulders.
S: Patrick Chung, Sterling Moore, James Ihedigbo, Sergio Brown, New England Patriots – Because “the hoody” thinks he is a mad genius and can coach anyone to be a Pro Bowl player, he has taken a decent second round draft pick (Chung) and 3 other janitorial candidates, and has decided that would make up the Patriots safeties. The results; the Pats are last in the NFL in passing defense. But hey, 3 lucky gents get to put on an NFL jersey on Sundays. THANKS Hoody.
Mr. Armchair Speaks!!!
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